Only Fat, Ugly People Get Abducted
Monday March 6, 2006
I was totally shocked when I read an article about a recent lecture given by astronomer Dr. Laban Shrewsbury. Who is this guy? And where does he get off with the stupid, ridiculous things he says? You just have to read the comments he made, and I hope it makes you as mad as it did me. The only way I could have been any more irate was if I was an abductee myself.
No Good Looking People Believe in Alien Abductionstell us that although Dr. Shrewsbury believes in the possibility of extraterrestrial life, he really draws a hard line when it comes to abduction reports. He states that, and I quote, "adolescent fantasies of pathetic, fat, stupid, people with empty, meaningless lives" are the only people who believe in alien abduction. Can you believe it? In other words, any intelligent, thin person worth their weight will look at abduction as Shrewsbury does; totally ridiculous. Check it out, but don't buy the guys book.
Comments
I heart aliens!
it’s a spoof article.
what do u mean know good looking people beleva in alien’s I do
I don’t know, I think a lot of what he says is true. I think some of these people are really missing something in their lives. They need something that is bigger than reality to believe in.
I found some other interesting articles about abductions at the same site.
http://wickedscholar.0catch.com/abductions.html
There’s an interesting discussion about an aerial battle between 2 UFOs that reportedly took place over Kelowna BC this year.
thats GaY i beleve in ufos i think ervey one does but dont addmit it (i luv katherine NT aust)
Wow, here’s an awesome article about an aerial battle between ufos.
screwed it up
http://wickedscholar.0catch.com/ufos%20battle.html
I just about crapped my pants when I read this account.
http://wickedscholar.0catch.com/ufo%20study%20group.html
I don’t know, everyone I ‘ve ever met who believed in alien abductions was reallly ugly. I think Laban Shrewsbury is awesome. Wicked scholars rule!
I am, quite frankly, appalled at the negativity directed towards Dr. Shrewsbury’s most illuminating research. I have known Dr. Shrewsbury for many years and have never been anything less than awed by the diligence and devotion of this man to his field of study. It was, in fact, on a safari to the western extremes of Tanzania hunting the very rare and dangerous M’bumul’u with Dr. Shrewsbury that he first broached the idea of a lecture on this topic and inquired as to whether I thought it was viable. I was so taken with the thought that finally a scientist of such high regard and insight would be jumping into the volatile fray that between generous gulps of mwanamkemaji, (a highly potent and somewhat addictive brew made from the fermented urine of virgins of the Oo’doolabinku tribe), I was only able to utter, “yup”. Dr. Shrewsbury, in my opinion, truly epitomizes the term “gentleman and scholar” and i truly believe that in the due course of time will come to be heralded as one of astronomy’s greatest minds.
Dr. Laban Shrewsbury and the Wicked Scholars are shining lights in the dark world of ufology and other pseudo science. My own research has demonstrated quite conclusively that there isn’t a single good looking person who believes that they have been abducted by aliens. If you are a female between the ages of 18 and 30, consider yourself to be good looking, and honestly believe that you have been abducted by aliens, please send nude photos of yourself to archaeotypetw@yahoo.ca.
Hey you bunch of homos, when is Trekkies coming out?
Holy smokes, some of the people in Trekkies are freaks. The woman who works in the copy center and wears her “uniform” everywhere needs to get a life. She even wore it on jury duty. When asked about it by a guy who feels that people like her make all trekkies look like losers, her response was “well, police officers, fire fighters, and military personal wear their uniforms on jury duty, so why can’t I? I’m a ranking officer in Star Base Dork. . .” Difference is, all of those other people actually had to do something to earn the right to wear their uniform. They didn’t just declare themself a Major in the Marine Corp, and then start wearing a Marine uniform. In fact, I would imagine they would be arrested if they did that.
The Trekkies movies are a lot of fun although I felt that in Trekkies 2 they spent way too much time highlighting these guys making little parody movies or putting on plays with Star Trek themes. If they were doing really impressive work it would be one thing, but the guy who was doing the Western themed movie is not a film maker. Should have kept that segment to about 20 seconds at the most.
And what’s all this about scooters. You know, I’m getting really tired of the people who ride Vespas and think they are really cool. Let’s face it, guys who ride scooters look totally gay. Manly men ride motorcyles. Effeminate guys and girls ride scooters. Scooters even look like girl’s bikes. I don’t know why any man would even want to be seen on a scooter. Might as well wear a sign that says “ooo, look at me, I look like a fruit.” I know a German guy who’s obsessed with scooters. He’s married to another guy who’s also obsessed with scooters. Actually, I think the “wife” is a transexual. S/he dresses like a woman, but she’s a lot bigger than the “man” and is very masculin. I think she could brush walnuts in her bare hands. I think they make Schiesse movies when they aren’t riding scooters around Vancouver.
Hey everyone, I’ve just published a new book. It’s called “Music to Screw By” and it’s available through Amazon.com or Chapters in Canada.
why can’t I leave a comment?
Oh, forget I said that. I was trying to post something that’s too long. I’ll post in sections:
Section 1 –
If V is for Vendetta, F is for Fartist. The first part of the word is “fart” for the act of firing bacteria created air and poo particles at an incredible speed. Everyone one does it, and it has been proven that farts bring joy, yet they are taboo in public. The second part of the word is “artist” because that is what I am. Much like Picasso wielded a paint and easel, I have the ability to practically fart on command and have perfected the ventriloquist and ricochet methods which allow me to strike with devastating accuracy from cover much like a highly trained sniper.
My main hunting grounds are the mean streets of BART, which I am forced to endure twice a day for half an hour at a time. Many people from other places tell me that BART is great or some similar poop, but anyone who rides it daily like me knows that it sucks. To pay $10 a day for the right to park and ride to and from work is excruciating, especially on the way home when I think about paying to stand on a packed train with a bunch of self absorbed aholes. But I must give BART some credit, for they launched my career as the most lethal vigilante in history.
Here is a list of some of the victims and the methods with which they were punished:
Mr. Read the newspaper to his wife on speaker phone guy: You are on the top of the list for one reason and one reason only; you are without a doubt the biggest ahole in history. Who sits there and yells on speaker phone and reads stories about an axe murderer to his wife during rush hour (in the elderly and handicapped seat no less)? You do. I fought for almost two minutes, desperately pumping the volume up button on my iPod trying to block out your transgressions. My career as a fartist started then, my ignorant self absorbed friend, and you were treated to turkey chili con queso. Oooooh it was hot and wet when I crop dusted you, how did it smell? Call your wife and tell her about it.
Ms. Lower her shoulder and cram her way on to a way too packed train lady: I could not believe you were actually going to try to cram your way on to our way too packed train, but you sealed the deal when you lowered your shoulder and repeatedly rammed your way into the crowded mass of frustrated passengers. It took me a stop or two, but slowly I was able to back my tight buttocks right up to within 2 feet of your short ugly face. I used the silencer once again but you bathed in it. When you cried, “Oh god, who farted?” I was crying I was laughing so hard.
Two teenage girls talking about sex and two teenage guys talking about taking drugs and driving: You have no idea how stupid you sound talking about subjects like that on a silent BART train during the afternoon commute. I saw one lady actually get up and move away because your conversation was so inane and ignorant. Bonus points for the one girl saying she prefers wine and salmon to a beer and burger now, I can’t tell you how impressed we all were with you. The woman behind you who rolled her eyes and slumped in her seat wanted more of your tips on living the high life for sure. And guys, I’m not sure what drug exactly you were talking about taking and then driving on the freeway but I just hope you don’t take anyone with you when you earn your Darwin Awards. I approached smiling, appearing to be heading for the exit, utterly forgettable in my everyday Dockers with polar fleece pullover. You were all sitting together in the “quad” chairs that face each other and no one else was around you for obvious reasons. The ambient noise from the tunnel meant I was able to really make you shiver when I delivered, I am actually shocked that a burnt hole wasn’t left in the back of my pants. It was one of my fall specials, a preseason pumpkin fart that smells for five minutes. By the time you realized what was happening I was doubled over laughing on the escalator in the station, I hope my gas taught you something valuable. Silence is golden.
Next time, more victims and a discussion over which came first – the need to fart or the elevator.
Wow, that was amazing. There sure are a lot of fags around lately. There was a thing about seniors homes for homos in the news lately. That’s just gross. Can you imagine all these old men sneaking around the halls at night, slipping into each other’s rooms and screwing each other in the ass? Yuck. And what about a couple of old ladies eating each other. Makes me want to vomit.
I really love porn. I can look it for like, 23 hours a day. Thats the best thing about the internet, there is just so much porn. My favourite site is bravoerotica.com. Check it out, you’ll see some of the most incredibly beautiful women you’ve ever seen naked.
Oh yeah, that Laban Shrewsbury is da bomb.
Sometimes my ass gets really sore. Does that mean I’m being abducted by aliens and they’re sticking things up my ass? I like getting things stuck in my ass, but not the discomfort afterwards. I wish if they were doing it, they would let me be conscious so I could enjoy it. That would make the pain and itching afterwards more bearable.
In one of his less well known stories, “Aliens Stuck Something up My Ass,” H. P. Lovecraft describes in bone chilling detail the protagonist’s abduction by aliens. It seems likely that the story is closely based on one of Lovecraft’s own experiences. In a letter to Clark Ashton Smith, Lovecraft describes an incident where “a flying disc landed in my backyard. Some short little guys with big heads grabbed me and stuck a big silver thing right up my poop chute. Man, did it ever hurt. . .” Could it be that H.P. Lovecraft was himself a victim of alien abduction? Is that where he received the inspiration to write some of the greatest American tales of horror and the macabre?
why can’t I post here?
Wow, I found a link to a story about Lovecraft’s abduction by aliens. He’s my favourite writer.
http://wickedscholar.0catch.com/Lovecraft%20Abduction.htm
What!. I believe in abductions , because it’s happened to me !. I’m not ugly…or fat.
How come when I think about naked women, my wee wee gets hard?
You know what really burns my fur? American deserters hiding out in Canada like a bunch of little pussies. Get the f… out of Canada you bunch of cowards. Go home, you’re not welcome here. We don’t need a bunch of cry babies and cowards sponging off of us.
Hey Jess, could you send me some photos of yourself. I want to verify that you’re not fat or ugly.
Umm…”Dr. Laban Shrewsbury” is a character from August Derleth’s “Trail of Cthulhu.” He doesn’t really exist.
Yes I do. Lovecraft based a character on me to pay homage. I don’t think you exist, Tim (if that’s your real name).